Speaking about Behaviours


1. What is good behavior?

Good behaviors comprise honesty, sincerity (chân thành), respect, responsibility, politeness, and so on.

2. What is bad behavior?

Being impertinent (xấc xược) , disrespectful, loud, deceitful (lừa lọc), irresponsible, rude, or stubborn (cứng đầu) is displaying bad behaviors.

3. What should you do with a child who has very bad behavior?

The child’s behavior can be consolidated or stopped if it is rewarded or ignored. So if the child cries for something and you encourage it by giving him what he cries for, the next time he will apply the same trick of crying to get what he wants. However, if we ignore him at that time, he knows that the trick won’t work and stop crying for things.

However, for more serious cases of derailing behaviours (hành vi sai trái) like stealing, yelling at (mắng chửi) people, or frequently engage in fighting, more should be done for the child.

First, the child needs to be understood. There must be reasons why the child has temper tantrums (cáu bẳn), emotional outbusts (bùng nổ cảm xúc), or riotous behaviors.(thái độ nổi loạn). Engaging the child in a confabulation (cuộc chuyện trò) to get to know him he child is having. In so doing, I would reduce the chance that the child develops a reaction of self-defense and generalize me as a Mr. “You don’t understand anything” and retreat into his hard shell of stubbornness.

Second, the consistency in parents’ reactions to children’ behavior is of utmost importance (tối quan trọng) for shaping their behaviours and avoid confusion in the children. Therefore, parents should have the benchmark of which extent and which behaviour they can still tolerate, and which one needs behavioural therapy. (cách uốn nắn hành vi)

Third, it is very important that I give the child his own freedom of choice. I may be the source of suggestions, but I will let him be the decision maker rather than imposing my choice on him. (áp đặt lựa chọn) The right choices should be fully understood and voluntarily made to be respected and adhered to. (tuân theo)

However, after all, a simple rule of thumb (điều quan trọng nhất) is that if we want someone to respect and listen to us, we need to respect and listen to them first, and a child with bad behavior is not an exception.

4. Should some parents give medicine to their children to calm them down?

No offence, but I think it is one of the most stupid ideas on Earth. Even when the children are hyperactive, (tang động) I don’t think parents can force them or persuade them to take mental medicines. How can they do so? Wrestle them to the ground (vật trẻ xuống đất) and stuff medicine into their mouth? (nhét thuốc vào mồm) No way.

Everyone was born and grow up in a unique upbringing, and I believe special children with special characteristics should not take the full blame for their behaviors when they are what they are passively and unintentionally exposed to. Therefore, it is also the parents’ mistakes which need correcting by offering an adjusted and more proper environment for children’s development, or even behavioral training so that they can improve their behaviors and mingle (hòa nhập) better with other children.

5. What is the right behavior to use in a restaurant? At school? At a party?

If someone is a diner at a restaurant, the staff there will need his patience most, patience in waiting to be served with food and drinks, and waiting for the bill. Other than that, it is necessary to follow a simple rule of etiquette (phép lịch sự) which is being quite at a public place. Finally, remember to keep the place clean because I bet that if you liter food, (vứt thức ăn lung tung xuống sàn) and spill drinks (rơi vãi nước uống) on the floor, or mess up the restroom, the friendly look is hard to remain on the staff’s faces.

When someone is at school, or in classes, not making noise is necessary so as not to disturb others. (để không làm phiền người khác) Besides, showing attentiveness (sự chăm chú) is a sign of respect to teachers in class. Being helpful to friends is another part of the etiquette in the academic environment. Obviously, as in every other environment, keeping the space clean is always expected of a polite person.

If the context is shifted to a party, then being polite with warm greetings is the first priority. Then eating and drinking moderately is a sign of politeness of a party goer. Also, giving ways to others, and keeping the venue clean are appreciated.

6. Would you teach your child to “hit back” at school if somebody hits them?

Hitting back is the trigger of a series of revenges.(ngòi nổ cho hàng loạt các vụ trả thù nhau) If my child is hit, I will need to teach my child to self-defend, (tự vệ) and will find ways to resolve the conflict between those involved by arranging meetings with parents and the children. If I fail to do so due to the lack of cooperation of the other side, I will report the case to the school and have such bullying punished.

7. Can bad behavior lead to crime?

Possibly. Small mistakes can build up to spoil a person’s personality (làm hỏng nhân cách) in the long run. Petty thefts (trộm vặt) can escalate to robberies.(phát triển thành cướp bóc) Therefore, if bad behaviors is on the loose, (thả lỏng tự do) they may turn people into criminals I believe.

8. How should we punish children who commit crimes?

Sending them to rehabilitation center (trại cải tạo,giáo dưỡng) is one solution. However, most of these children need a trajectory (quỹ đạo) to a good life goal, so a more important approach is to equip these youngsters with education and working skills so that they can earn for their living and find interest in advancing in their education or career rather than spending time meaninglessly on evil purposes. (mục đích xấu) For cases of felonies, (trọng tội) I believe a look into mental health of the child needs to be considered, and if necessary, mental health treatment should be devised.

9. Should parents be held responsible for their children’s behavior?

Obviously, children’s misbehaviors trouble their parents with unwanted invitations to meetings in which they receive criticism for their children’s wrongdoings. In other words, it is the parents who are usually the subjects of blame for children’s mistakes. Therefore, it is not the matter of should or should not parents be held responsible for their children’s behaviors but the matter of how much they should be held responsible especially in criminal cases.

10. Can you think of a behavior that is ‘good’ behavior in one culture and a ‘bad’ behavior in another culture?

When children greet old people, in Western cultures, they can extend their hands (chìa tay ra) to seek a handshake, but Eastern people consider that as a sign of disrespect. Instead, children are expected to bow with arms folded in front of their chests (cúi đầu khoanh tay) to greet senior people. 

11. Can we teach our children good behavior?

Of course, as long as we can set good examples for them to follow, respect them enough, and at the same time be disciplined enough to have zero tolerance for misbehaviors. (không dung túng hành vi xấu) Also, behaviors have deep roots from children belief of what value should be upheld. Therefore, such values as honesty, modesty, hard work, patience and the like (và những cái tương tự) should be emphasized enough in formative years (trong những năm hình thành tính cách) of children. 

12. What would you do if your child behaves badly in public?

I will stop him but will try not to embarrass him in front of others. Children are very easily distracted, so just give them something else to explore, they will stop annoying people around. After that I will have a private conversation to mend (sửa chữa) that behavior at home.

13. What would you do if you saw somebody else’s child behaving badly in public?

In my opinion, education is the sacred right (quyền thiêng liêng) of the parents who should have the top priority and also main responsibility for the education of their children. I myself do not want anyone to interfere with (can thiệp) the way I educate my children; therefore, I will not meddle with (can thiệp) other parents’ business.

14. Would you spank your child for bad behavior?

If it is necessary, I would have to spank my child, especially if they reoffend. (tái phạm) “Spare the rod, spoil the child” (thương cho roi cho vọt) as the saying goes, so sometimes if my warnings are not strong enough, I have to resort to some sort of corporal punishments (hình phạt hành hạ thể xác: đánh, bắt quỳ, phạt đứng úp mặt vào tường…). However, this only applies for young children, who self-esteem is not high enough to take such punishments as a shame too great to put up with. (chỉ phạt trẻ nhỏ vì sự tự tôn của chúng chưa đủ lớn đến độ xem những hình phạt này là sự xấu hổ (nhục mạ) mà chúng không thể chịu nổi).

15. What behavior is not acceptable among friends?

Cheating, (lừa lọc) provocation, (khiêu khích) and disrespect are not acceptable among friends. Those behaviors will sooner or later lead to quarrels and broken relationships. For cheating and disrespectful behavior, no tolerance is given, but for provocation, the situation is more complicated. Everything seems to start with a small incident of disagreement, say, at a pub, or a picnic, but it is just the tip of the iceberg while the unharmonious relationship may take deep root from disrespect that has been built up for years and meet right conditions of discontent (sự bất đồng) to be vented. (phun ra)

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